Update>>>

Counting down to O'levels

Just realised that it's been quite some time since I updated the blog so here's a short catchup:)

The past 8 months passed by relatively quickly with many "last time" experiences with the school which I'm gonna miss post sec. Mostly filled with studies and drama. In the blink of an eye, I'll be sitting for my o'levels next month. Am kind of anxious yet excited as I finally get to graduated and get rid of some bullshit but then again, when I get into poly, I'm probably gonna miss sec school as I complain about poly life haha. The grass is alwahs greener on the other side mahh. Just hope that I'll get my ideal results for my remaining 5 subjects and get into the course of my choice.. 

Time just passes so fast, thinking back to the time I was sitting for PSLE and now i'm graduating from sec sch 💁💁

Excited to see how things will change as I enter the next phase of my life and I'll probably follow up more closely with more regular updates after my burden exams. Brb!!

领悟

I used to trust and rely highly on my friendships, thinking that the happy "BFFs" and forever exists. I would be protective over friends and stuff. However, as time passed, I realised that I shouldn't invest everything on friendship. Time passes and people change. Many start to have other commitments and friendships can in result, fade away. Then, even if one party holds on tight, the other will slowly become more and more distant. The person I thought I knew so well turns into a whole new character and it feels as though we're turning into strangers. It's worse when I feel that I am no longer trusted or needed and being left aside. I used to treasure friendships. But now, I dont know. The time has passed and trust is gone. I don't know anymore. Wishing for the good old times to come back. But they may never return. Those happiest times will just remain as part of my memories.

Sorting Things Out.

So. Somehow, my blog is turning into a site where I pour everything out that I feel no one would listen to wholeheartedly. My emotions have been on a crazy roller coaster ride 🎢🎢 ever since 2015 and now, today, I'm finally making up my mind and picking up the courage to actually sort out my feelings and emotions, as well as letting go of stuff.

For people who actually see my snapchats, yeah. I spam loads and loads of captions that are super tiny which most people would just ignore. You might find me attention seeking doing that. But I only post those snaps because I felt that I had no one that could listen to me. I have had countless emotional breakdowns whenever I'm alone, bawling my eyes out till I fall asleep. Perhaps I'm not as strong emotionally. When I'm alone emoing/crying, I think about a lot a lot of stuff. Many random things just pop up in my head and I figured out I should give my heart a break and like let go of things that make me feel all sad and crappy about. Guess I would be better off that way😃

Everything happens for a reason and for me, its probably to build a stronger self and a more positive me. Through all my self reflecting moments, late night and alone time thoughts, I've come to see and appreciate more things that people do for me, feeling extremely thankful to those who made me feel more than I'm worth, those that tried to cheer me up and keep me going and sorry for being that ungrateful bitch, only considering how sad and hurt I felt. Thinking about it, letting go of things, I wouldn't lose anything. I still have my family, friends (Not many but worthy)and myself. 又不是世界末日嘛 horhh. Everyday so gloomy for what?? Anyways,
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" --Kelly Clarkson💪💪💪
Haha. Quotes.

Everyone has their different secondary school story. Mine just happened to be like that. But still, I had my happy times, especially CCA which some people hate. It was a ginormous puzzle piece of my secondary school life. Yes I love my CCA💖. A lot. Not only it gave me all the best memories but also distracted me from some of the negativity in reality and pushed me on, not to mention the fact that it's one of the few things that I can smile so truly for↡↡ 

Sadly, I just had my farewell party on Monday and this Thursday will officially be my last day of CCA. hais. So many ups and downs man. I'm quite a nostalgic person💁💁What ever it is, it's gonna be a new start for me. All I want now is to focus on my studies and be happy. I mean, I already have plans laid out for post- secsch. So yeah. No time for more negativity. I have a lot more shit waiting for me to worry about in future like my GPA HAHA. It's gonna be a new start for me. Changed my blog skin too hahahaha

And I'm all good👍👍

Thanks if you bothered reading this blogpost by the way💕💕💕

Summary: 2015

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged, so here's an impromptu blogpost :)

2015 is coming to an end really really soon and this year has been quite overwhelming for me I guess. New classmates, stepping up as a CCA chairperson and all, having much more commitments to fulfil. Nevertheless, I have enjoyed my year so far, despite the not-so-happy moments.

Being in Sec 3... New classmates and environment. I am actually really afraid of judgements because of some past experience when I was not well accepted because of my attitude. I usually find it hard to make friends that I can really open up to and fully trust. Trust issues I guess. And that's why I hold my best friends dearly, although I might not show it. And by the wayyyyyy. If you read my previous posts on my friendship issues, I have made up with my friend months ago:) Sooo. Back to talking bout getting used to the new environment, I was expecting to be an outcast and all, cause I'm not good at socialising and i have a resting bitch face too haha. I guess having my bestfriend in the same class helps, but omg, when we had that cold war for almost a month, I almost died. ANYWAYSS. I was kind of an outcast, kinda not I guess. Or maybe I just wasn't close to certain people. I found it hard to trust certain people because I am really uncertain whether they are sincere friends or just "being nice". But well, it's been a year and I guess I have gotten used to it(?)

As for CCA, it wasn't as easy as it seemed to me to manage the dancers because I used to not like/ be afraid to speak in front of a crowd. Why? Scared of judgements. But when I was just appointed to being the chairperson of Modern dance, it felt like all of a sudden, there were weights on my shoulders, so pressurising. But after awhile I kind of got used to our routine, and it doesn't pressure me as much anymore. Say it's easy, it's not. And it's not too difficult either, having my two vice-chairpersons and teachers to render me help. It has definitely been a super good experience for me for the past year, something not everyone will go through and I deeply appreciate the chance given to me.

Through CCA, I have forged so many unforgettable memories with my beloved dancers. Although we did not participate SYF this year, we had our Youth Celebrate performance which was a rather big one too. At first when we were told the news and started training in 2014, I was giving attitude like a spoiled brat, because I really wanted to go for SYF instead. However I slowly accepted it, and saw that it was actually quite fun too hehe. Then we had S24, which the CCA participated in for the very first time. The results weren't impressive, we did not get through the preliminary round. But looking at the other teams, I can actually understand why. They were really good and it inspires me to do better.

Other that the inter-school stuff, Instructor sent Black Illusion out for TKDB once again. I was super thrilled as I really enjoyed myself at TKDB with my team mates last year. This year, with Britney,Minhui, Ruijun and our new members Azalea, Xuetong and Yeqi. Another unforgettable one, doing even better than last year. Honestly, I was really sad that we didn't proceed straight to the semi-finals. But ANYWAY. I'm super happy and proud of the team for getting 2nd-runnerup for both semi-finals and finals ERMAGAWD. We were so close last year, and got placed this year like yayyerzzz<3 p="">
Okay so to end off, 2015 has been quite a smooth one for me, just a few downs. I appreciate and treasure every memory forged and hope for a better year in 2016 although I think it is really just STUDYSTUDYSTUDY cause prelims and O'lvls. Let's just enjoy the last of 2015 and welcome 2016 with a smile:)

Click to watch:

Black Illusion TKDB'15 Finals
Spades TKDB'15 Finals
Unique Elements TKDB'15 Finals

Friendship stuff (2)

I could blabber on and on about how many things are not going smoothly for me in life and how crappy and suckish I think my life is. But still, I appreciate all the good memories and happiest moments and those who listen whole heartedly to my rants and those who just brighten up my life with their small actions. Im thankful for that. But I just can't put it aside about matters that are forever so disappointing.  Which is why I am blogging at this hour when I have a long day at school tomorrow. 

If you still don't know, I think a lot to myself and sometimes overthink about some matters. And I feel better that if I dont tell someone, I at least am typing it out because keeping everything inside of me just drives me insane. But what's life? Forever full of ups and downs, 充满了喜怒哀乐。如果发生的事我根本什么都不能做, 超出我的能力范围,我还能怎样? 我只能说我感到很无奈, 我也无能为力。So why not I just blog all that shit I feel and vent it out? 

Friendship stuff...

It really hurts to see someone whom I trusted and treasured to turn her back on me. It really made me think twice. What on earth has happened between us. It's not as though we've been through a lot, but we've had our ups and downs. I just feel so betrayed that I am blamed for something that I feel is not even my fault. How other people act and treat you is not within my control. It's just super disappointing. Maybe our friendship is just worth that much to you. I have never expected that you would treat me like that over such an issue. I have no words to describe this other than saying how ironic it is that this happened between us. I don't know if this is a misunderstanding or what bit you don't even seem to want to get things clear or make an effort to maintain our friendship. Don't think you will read my blog even but how I feel now, is just beyond sadness. And I hate it.

UPDATE:)

ZOMG MY LAST POST WAS LIKE APRIL 0_0

HELLO. Juat abit of an update hehe. Not much have been going on I guess. But Im like really eggcited for TKDB'15 with my somewhat new team heheh. So quickly it's been a year from the first time we went on TKDB ohmygoshh. BLACK ILLUSION♥ 
Super love my Blackies and buttfars muackss :*
So we made it to the Finals last year. I really hope that we can do better for this year's!! Made like friends from AES and this year they have new members joining too heh. Super short post cuz I'm super tired but yeah. JIAYOU TO US [ no group name yet haha]

-- SIGNING OFF w LOTSA LURVEE--
JIAQII♡